


light on

by newct127



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: A tiny bit, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Infidelity, Established Relationship, Feelings, M/M, Retelling, Secret Marriage, Secret Relationship, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29269977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newct127/pseuds/newct127
Summary: Taeil has a secret. Rather, he has secrets.Someone unexpected makes him start coming clean.orA retelling of the ending of Brooklyn (2015) where Taeil basically is Saoirse Ronan.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Moon Taeil, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Moon Taeil & Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 14
Kudos: 62
Collections: Challenge #5 — I heard a secret..





	light on

**Author's Note:**

> voting for this round was really fun. thank you mods for the amazing themes  
> on the big screen didn't win but that was never going to stop me from going with my original plan *insert taeil's muahahaha*
> 
> tiny playlist for this fic:  
> higher by lily allen  
> more than enough by alina baraz  
> light on by maggie rogers
> 
> i picked sinchon on a whim i don't know anything about anything  
> hope you enjoy the fic

It weighs on him at the beginning.

Being back home so quickly after marrying Yoonoh feels incorrect. He’s away from him, and they didn't get a chance to get used to the new title. Married. He's someone's husband. But he can’t bring himself to talk about it. The reasons for him travelling home are on the other end of the spectrum, he's there for a funeral, and he reads the room. Maybe even too much.

That's how his marriage remains a secret. He doesn't tell his mom, or any of his friends and relatives. He keeps it to himself.

The plan was to leave after two weeks of stay. But Taeyong invites him to his wedding while batting his eyelashes and Taeil agrees. He stays for much longer.

Thanks to Taeyong's fiancé he meets Youngho and his secrets multiply.

Youngho keeps him company while they accompany Taeyong and Yuta on their dates. They walk on the beach behind them and sit in restaurants Taeil wouldn't be able to afford on his own. Youngho's gentle and nice, and he respects Taeil's opinions. He's tall and charming, and his smile wakes up some of the butterflies in Taeil's stomach that were asleep since he said goodbye to Yoonoh.

Though it weighed on him at the beginning, now he doesn’t think about Yoonoh. It's like he forgets. Youngho's company helps him in the process. It's simple here now. It’s easy being home, with familiar people and food. With air that smells like home.

He has a moment where he wonders why he left the town in the first place.

He sits on the soft bed in the darkness of his room. It looks so much older and worn out than he remembers. Maybe it's the magic of Sinchon and all the newness of everything there compared to the house he grew up in. He thinks about staying, finding an accounting job here. He could take care of his mom. He wonders what living here would be like now.

Yoonoh creeps back into his mind. Not on purpose. The postman knocks on the front door and hands him a letter, addressed to him. He doesn't recognize the penmanship, but he does recognize the return address. Yoonoh didn't forget about him. He remembers the responsibilities Taeil's been avoiding. The commitment he made before he left. The promise he'll be back.

Things might be easy with Youngho, but he isn't sure where his heart lies. With this matter he really needs to listen to his heart.

He thinks he can avoid it for a few more days. That he'll figure it out. But it's not that easy.

Because there's another knock on the front door.

"Hyung, Miss Kim wants to see you." Jisung says, trying to catch his breath.

Taeil is taken aback by the sight, the urgency in Jisung's face. He's also surprised that Miss Kim wants to see him at all. She's been reluctant to even say hello to him ever since he quit working at the shop. Even less since he returned to town.

There must be something going on that he doesn't know.

"Now?" he asks, and doesn't fail to notice the panic the question brings to Jisung's face.

"Yes, now. She said it was important," he tells him, nodding quickly.

Taeil doesn't have a choice but to agree. He cannot put Jisung in the same position he was in so many times in the past. Do what Miss Kim says, get the things she wants done. That's the only way to stay on her good side.

You don't want to be on her bad side.

He quickly returns to his room. He leaves Yoonoh's letter under his pillow and rushes back to the front door.

The walk to Miss Kim's shop is quick and uncomfortable. Taeil keeps wondering what he wants to talk to him about. He doesn't expect anything good. Nothing good ever comes from talking to Miss Kim.

If he wasn't already wary, seeing her wait for him right outside the shop makes the uneasiness in his stomach grow.

"We'll go upstairs to talk. Jisung, watch the shop," she says.

Taeil follows her to her apartment upstairs, leaving Jisung behind and growing more concerned with every step.

She takes him to her living room, takes a seat in her chair and motions for him to sit down on the couch opposite of her. Taeil swallows and takes a deep breath, bracing himself for whatever she'll say.

"How have you been?" she asks him.

"I've been well. Thank you, Miss Kim.

"That's what I've heard." She gives him a wicked smile. "I talked to my nephew yesterday on the phone, and was surprised to hear your name come up in the conversation. He lives in Sinchon too, you see. What a small world. He told me a story of a trip to the city hall he did, how he met someone from my town, out of all places. You won't believe what he told me."

Taeil thinks back to his only city hall visit. That's when he realizes what she's talking about. It can't be.

"What did he tell you, Miss Kim?"

"I think you know very well what he told me. I know your secret, Mr. Moon. If that even is your name now."

Taeil takes a deep breath, trying to stop his anger from building, and failing in the process.

He can't believe it's come to this. In him having to make up an excuse for having a life that people in his hometown don't know about.

"Is that all, Miss Kim?"

"I was just wondering what poor Youngho would feel like when he finds out about your husband back in Seoul."

Taeil stares at her face, inspecting every inch of it. There's malice written all over it. He hates it. He hates that she has so much control over him by knowing just one detail.

"I'd forgotten," he says.

"What had you forgotten? Your husband? His name?"

"I'd forgotten what living here was like," he responds, "What did you think you'd accomplish, Miss Kim? You'd tell the town and keep me from Youngho? You'd stop me from returning to my husband?" He knows very well that he can't stay here anymore. Not in Miss Kim's living room. Not in this town. "My name isn't Moon. It's Jung. And now I remember why I went to Sinchon in the first place."

As he gets up to leave, Miss Kim looks at him with determination in her eyes. Taeil's seen it before. It tells him that he'll be the subject of the town gossip soon. Maybe even later today.

He can't have his mom find out about it that way. He cannot keep it a secret anymore and he doesn't want to.

When he comes home he sits down opposite of his mom at the dining table and he comes clean. It's a storm of words, in a way. Confession after confession, he speaks fast, determined to lay it all out. He tells her about his life in Seoul and that he's married now, and he tells her a bit about Yoonoh.

"He must be nice and special if you married him. He must treat you well," she says in reply. She barely looks at him now, and so Taeil's heart remains heavy.

"He is. He treats me so well," Taeil says. He wishes he could've done things differently. He wishes he could've brought Yoonoh with him and introduced him to his mom. He wishes he could've had him by his side right now. If only things were different. "I'm sorry mom. I shouldn't have done it the way I did. I shouldn't have..."

"Stop," she cuts him off, "You cannot do that to yourself." His mom puts her hand over his, the warmth of it calming him down. This is the closest they've been since his return. It's their last moment of softness too. "Wishing for things to be different doesn't do anything." It's so simple and so true. It's somehow exactly what he needed to hear.

"I booked the ticket. I'm leaving first thing in the morning." His mom nods, accepting it. It's short notice, but she still accepts it.

"You should tell Youngho the truth."

"I will," he promises.

He will. He'll hurt him in the process, but he needs to do it.

His mother says her goodbye then, opting out so do it then instead of the morning. She says it would hurt less, and Taeil understands, though he doesn't agree.

He spends his final evening in the house he grew up in. Packing his suitcase and saying a final goodbye. He's on his own, and he knows that the next time he returns, if there is such a time, he won't be alone. He knows it then.

Packing isn't easy. It's too much, like he packed everything for his trip here. Like he didn't plan to return after he arrived.

His heart grows heavy at the thought. Was he really going to do that to Yoonoh?

He reads his letter and sheds tears of guilt that land on the paper and smudge the ink.

He calms his heart as best as he can and he takes a seat at the desk he did all his homework growing up. He starts writing a letter. One he never thought he'd write. He was going to come clean to Youngho eventually, he decided that once they started spending more time together. He was going to come clean to everybody.

He just didn't think he'd do it like this.

_Dear Youngho,_

_I never meant to hurt you, or to lead you on. I should've told you this weeks ago, but things have been so nice with you and I kept putting it off. Now I have found myself in a spot where I have to come clean.  
_ _I have a husband. I got married in Sinchon before I came here.  
_ _I am telling you this as I am leaving and heading back to Seoul. Back home, I should say.  
_ _You deserve so much more than I could've given you. You deserve someone who won't lie to you or keep secrets. Someone who's able to love and cherish you with all of their heart.  
_ _That was never going to be me. My heart belongs to someone else.  
_ _I hope you'll be able to find someone worthy._

_I wish you all the best,  
_ _Taeil_

In the morning, before he leaves town, he stops by Youngho's house and slips the letter in his mailbox.

He wonders what Youngho will do. If he'll leave it as it is, or if he'll drop everything and rush to his house.

He hopes Youngho will understand.

* * *

The morning sun kisses Taeil's skin with pleasant warmth as he stands against the brick wall, sweaty palms hidden and placed at the small of his back. Yoonoh should be out any minute now.

He's excited to see him and he's nervous at the same time. He'll have to come clean to Yoonoh too. This is the scarier bit.

With Youngho it was simple because he got to walk away and escape the consequences. With Yoonoh he'll have to own up to everything and be truthful, no exit in sight.

No more secrets.

Yoonoh isn’t alone when he exits the apartment building. His brother is with him too. It’s actually Sungchan that spots Taeil first, he points towards him so Yoonoh can see him. Yoonoh stares in shock.

When their eyes meet Taeil’s world stops.

It’s been two months since he last saw him. The warm feeling in his chest is the last thing he expected from this moment. He's happy to see him and conflicted at the same time. He's afraid that it'll push Yoonoh away, but he needs to come clean to him. As soon as he possibly can.

One last secret to uncover and the slate will be clean.

Yoonoh smiles at him finally. He exchanges some words with his brother then crosses the street. With each step closer to Taeil his smile widens. As soon as he reaches him he locks Taeil into a hug, leaning down so his head rests on Taeil's shoulder.

This is home, Taeil realizes then. Yoonoh is his home now. This is exactly where he belongs. This might not be where he grew up, but this is where he’s free. Even in Yoonoh's arms, he's free here. He loves Yoonoh, and he hasn't loved anyone the way he loves him.

"I missed you so much," Yoonoh says to him. Taeil tightens his hug as tears form in his eyes. He can't say it back. He can't lie.

Yoonoh pulls himself back, his hand landing on Taeil's face. He looks at him and notices the tears trailing down his cheeks and wipes them away with his thumbs.

"I love you," Taeil whispers. Yoonoh pecks a kiss against his lips before responding.

"I love you too."

Yoonoh smiles at him, not moving away from his arms. He lingers and tries to calm him down. It only upsets Taeil more. Yoonoh's too good to him.

"I'm sorry," Taeil says then, feeling the words starting to come up. "I didn't call you, or write. I'm sorry," he repeats.

"You're here. It's okay."

"It's not Yoonoh. I did something bad. I met someone and I wanted to stay. I almost did. I didn't think about us. About you. And then..."

"Wait. What are you saying?"

"Hyung!" Sungchan calls after him from the other side of the street, "We'll be late. Come on."

For a moment he turns around and looks at his brother. He sighs, then looks back at his husband.

"Taeil?" he attempts, but Taeil can't bring himself to meet his eyes. He's too ashamed. Yoonoh lets out a breath before saying, "I have to go. But I'm off at five. I'll meet you at our spot."

"Okay," Taeil whispers out, seconding it with a nod.

Yoonoh leaves only after he caresses Taeil's cheek and dries his cheek one last time.

Taeil is then left counting down the minutes until he can see Yoonoh again. He takes a walk around Sinchon and imagines the worst. He can see himself talking to Yoonoh later, telling him the details, and breaking his heart in the process. He imagines never seeing him again and wishes that it never comes true. He couldn't imagine a life without Yoonoh. He knows that now.

Taeil shows up at the diner early. He takes a seat in the booth next to the windows, the one he and Yoonoh usually occupy. He does himself a disservice by getting there early. His anticipation grows until it's too much for him to handle. The fear sets in.

Yoonoh comes into the diner, gives Taeil a small smile before he joins him in the booth. He looks tired and worried, and Taeil wishes that he could ease his mind. But the hard part is far from over.

"Tell me what happened," Yoonoh asks after the pleasantries are over. So Taeil does exactly that. He tells him he stayed for Taeyong and that's how he met Youngho. He tells Yoonoh about him, trying to get clues of his emotions from his face. But Yoonoh's unreadable. He isn't usually. This is different. It's uncomfortable.

"Say something," he says in the end, expecting Yoonoh's disappointment.

"Did something happen between you? Did you kiss? Did you do anything." he asks. Taeil would ask the same too.

"Nothing happened."

"So you feel bad about making a new friend?" he asks again, looking so innocent. Calm and understanding, that's how he always is. Taeil can't believe his luck. Even if it ends here, he got a chance to know him. He'll cherish that forever.

"I almost stayed," Taeil says it again, his words dripping in guilt, "I lead him on. And I didn't think about you."

"Did you want to stay because of him?"

"I don't know. No."

"Love," Yoonoh says then, speaking calmly in an attempt to reason with him, "You left at the worst of circumstances. You went back home for the first time in years, the day after we got married."

"I didn't tell my mom about you or marrying you until yesterday," Taeil interrupts, giving Yoonoh another reason why he should be angry with him. But Yoonoh smiles instead.

"I only told my brother," he tells him.

Taking in a deep breath Taeil notices that it feels like he only starts to breathe then. He feels so much easier, though he also feels as though he doesn't deserve Yoonoh. He's too good for him. Too loving. He'll do everything he can to return the love he's receiving.

"You don't hate me?"

"I don't think I could ever hate you," Yoonoh shakes his head.

"Even though I messed up?"

"Messing up is part of being human." Yoonoh moves in his seat so he'll be closer to the table. He puts his hand on top of Taeil's and intertwines his fingers with his. "If you want to hear that I forgive you, then I forgive you, Taeil. But I don't think there's anything for me to forgive," he says, "If you haven't changed your mind about me, then I'd like us to build a life together."

It doesn't take Taeil too much time to answer. Or to even think about it. He had his doubts when he was in his hometown, but seeing Yoonoh and talking to him made it all so clear. Yoonoh is the one. Marrying him was a good decision.

"I haven't changed my mind about you."

Yoonoh smiles at him and gives him a nod.

They sit in silence for a moment, allowing the tension to decrease.

"How's your mom?" Yoonoh then asks, ready to move on from the subject. Taeil's ready to move on too.

He's ready to have a life with Yoonoh. A calm and peaceful one.

That is exactly what he gets.

**Author's Note:**

> yoonoh and taeil never have another hiccup. they go strong for years and adopt 3 children. their daughter is yoonoh's soft spot. taeil's mom loves all her grandkids equally.  
> youngho comes to sinchon a year later. he's there for business but he decides to meet up with taeil and they smooth things over. he meets yoonoh for the first time then. on his next visit taeil introduces youngho to a coworker at the accounting firm he works at. youngho and minhyung hit it off. youngho moves to the city four months later and he and minhyung get married a few months after.
> 
> comment and leave kudos if you feel like it  
> thank you for reading nonetheless


End file.
